Friday, October 28, 2011

And the real crazy is........

Writing this blog has been so much fun, especially because there seem to be a lot of people who really like it and think it’s hilarious J THAT IS THE WHOLE IDEA!: Seeing the funny side of marriage (which is the bigger side btw). I have also received a few comments, from some dudes that felt offended and think that I should not be making fun of my hubby. I love these comments too because a blog without controversy is a blog destined to fail. So even though I will keep on pointing out P’s hilariousness (I refuse to be married if we can’t make fun of each other) and I will continue to trick him with experiments, today, just to show that I am a good sport, I will tell you about some of my not so glamorous, unenlighten side, as well as those of some fellow lovely ladies who have been kind enough to share with me some of their own stories (and even agreed to let me write them on the blog!).

So today I want to talk about NEUROTIC BEHAVIOR. Yes we ladies are ALL “blessed” with it, some more than others, and there is not one single men in this world that does not know what I am talking about…in fact, most people have been victims of this phenomena, and I would like to take this chance to apologize to my parents, my brother, my husband, P and all the unfortunate victims who have and will cross my path during one of these very unstable PMSy/irrational and overly emotional moments. All I can say is that sometimes I can control it, but sometimes I don’t really want to and I have to let the monster come out. The best thing you can do as a victim, is to shut up, move away slowly and try to view it with a little bit of humor (in your head cause if you laugh at me you might not make it out alive) because if you think about it, there is something pretty funny about an irrational crazy woman. If you don’t think so just read the following real life, psycho wife stories, as told by the crazies themselves: my mom, my best friend Catalina and yours truly. See if you can match the story with the correct coo-coo (its going to be pretty obvious)
Story 1: “I asked my husband to clean the dishes. After several days of him not “complying” I could not take it anymore. One day I walked into my apartment after a long day at work and saw the disgusting dishes sitting in the kitchen zinc and I JUST LOST IT. So I started grabbing them and throwing them and breaking them, I mean if he didn’t need clean dishes he probably didn’t need dishes at all!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (I guess this made sense at the time :S). Oh yeah and when he got home I made him clean it all”

HAHAHAHAH my guess is that the poor guy did it out of pure fear!  
Story 2: “I just couldn’t take it anymore. After having my first baby I felt fat and ugly and like I no longer had a life. One day I had had enough. While baby was sleeping, I decided that I was going to go out to catch up with my friend. So I put on the only pair of jeans that fitted and took off. As I was opening the door I hear my baby making some noises. I went to check and when I saw her face I realized I was the worst mom in the world!!!!!!!! A few hours later my husband found me on the floor, balling my eyes out whil, holding my baby.” When I told him what happened he said: How come you didn’t just take the baby with you?”
She was so hysterical she didn’t even think about it LOL!
Story 3: Wife: “Honey, tell me about the most memorable time that you can remember, when I just lost it and started screaming at you and was totally bitchy and neurotic so that I can write about it on my blog.”
Husband: ”Mmmmmmmmmmmmmm I can’t really think of anything”
Wife: “Come on, how can you not remember! There has to be at least one time” (starting to get frustrated)
Husband: “I don’t think you do that too much” (fear in his eyes)
Wife: “How can you not remember, come on, I know I am bitchy sometimes, come on how can you nooooooooot remembeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeerrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Husband: (Thinking:”crap”)
So YES, I admit it! Apparently I have been misusing the word “crazy” throughout this blog. “P is crazy and does crazy things” Na-ah P does do some weird things, but crazy he is not. Despite my ability to overlook oil stains on my yoga mat or millions of empty beer bottles taking over the kitchen, I do lose it once in a while so I might as well admit it: I am the one and only ruling psycho inhabitant of my castle! Hope this makes those offended dudes feel a bit better J




Wednesday, October 19, 2011

So I was wrong about ONE THING! Doesn't mean I will stop trying :D

Just in time for Halloween, a couple of day ago I heard some of the most terrifying words that a husband can say to his wife:…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….(suspense music)……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….”Honey, I am going to use the guest bathroom as a workshop for a couple of days OK?” AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!
Luckily for me, the bathroom was used as a workshop for only one day……………………unluckily for me the workshop tools seem to want to stay in the bathroom forever, surrounding the toilet and forcing me (I am not sure how Mr. P has handled the situation) to do acrobatics to get to the toilet when I’m too lazy to go to the bathroom that is aaaaalllllllll the way in our bedroom (yes, my apartment is only 900 sq ft, so what). It is also quite interesting at 5 AM, when I have to use that bathroom to get ready to go to the gym without disturbing sleeping beauty, trying not to stumble on the electric sander sitting on the floor, or whatever that thing is called, while putting on my tight workout pants…….why don’t I move it you ask……because like my friend Colleen said: “You don’t have to cause YOU DIDN’T PUT IT THERE! I don’t even know where it came from or that we had one :’( and as soon as I move it:”where is the …… (whatever that thing is call)….I was using it in my workshop!” PLOP!

P's workshop
Anyway, moving on to the experiment; on my last blog I posted that I was going to execute the following experiment: For the period of one month I committed to not throwing away ANY toilet paper rolls because I wanted to prove that the male brain does not have the capability of seeing or throwing away  toilet paper rolls. I was so sure that my theory was correct that I already had plans for the hoarded rolls:

Yes people I WAS going to make this!

Ladies I WAS WRONG! The experiment started in a very promising way, the first lonely toilet paper roll sat on top of the toilet for days, then the second one came, then another lonely one in the guest bathroom and for the first time in my life I was excited about toilet paper roll accumulation!!!!!!!!!!! Then one fatidic day, I went to the bathroom and there they were, smashed inside the already overflowing trash can (wish makes me think of another potential experiment!) they didn’t make it, three is the magic number, P might not notice one, or two, but three toilet papers rolls…..THEY ARE GOOOOONEEEEEE........ I WAS HEART BROKEN!!!!!!, but proud :D
So if this is true for paper rolls, could the magic number three work for other things???!!!!: PRETTY SURE IT DOESN'T (talking specifically about beer bottles!), but again, I suppose I could be wrong. I guess we will have to find out!

Sunday, October 9, 2011

Its time to start experimenting

Now that I am obsessed with recording P's behavior in order to have material for this blog, I've started to notice that he is not only crazy, but he is also REALLY sweet. This week he bought me a box of skinny cow ice-cream when he went to the store, without me even asking, and today he took me to a place where you could rent dogs for a while and take them out for a walk. Only he would know how obsessed I am with dogs, especially with their ears (I even have an imaginary dog that I pet once in a while, but that’s the subject for another blog and P is free to write about it any time he wants) and what a great surprise it was! Unfortunately the place had gone out of business, but it was still a sweet surprise. This week he also found me a beer that I actually like.
Apparently this blog is not only teaching me to keep my neurotic tendencies in check, but it is also helping me appreciate P’s little thoughtful and loving gestures which don’t get the recognition they deserve some times.

Alright, enough of the corny stuff, that does not sell blogs, lets get into the crazy! Unluckily for me, P was unusually normal this week. Aside form the customary:

P: I am going to go buy coffee from Starbucks next door
Me: Sure, can you take the trash out
P: Sure dear………..(grabs trash/spaces out/ leaves trash in the living room/ leaves the house/trash sits next to the couch for two days)……………




He didn’t do anything particularly interesting. Of course this is my luck (Murphy’s Law), so I had to take charge and do what any other good blog writing wife would do: set him up. Here is the plan: I’ve strategically placed an empty toilet paper roll on top of the toilet.

If my theory is correct, this one toilet paper roll will attract any other available toilet paper rolls in the area BECAUSE according to my hypothesis, P is unable to throw away ANY toilet paper rolls, period. Don’t ask me why, but he can’t. The experiment will last for a period of a month or until I break down and can’t take it any longer and have to throw them away. I will be very honest, I am scared. I picture our bathroom overflowing with paper rolls everywhere, kind of like hoarder houses, forcing us to dig through the mountain of rolled cartoons just to get into the shower. I’ve never in my adult life have walked by an empty paper roll without having the urge to throw it away, in fact the one sitting on top of my toilet right now is killing me! But I have to be strong in the name of science and the millions of women around the globe who are searching for an answer. Perhaps this experiment will bring us closer to the truth. I will keep you updated of “our progress” in the next few weeks.
PS: Check out the poll that I’ve created and see if you can guess who many toilet paper rolls we will end up accumulating

Sunday, October 2, 2011

Blog numero uno: The experiment begins!

I started this blog because I think that the world deserves to hear about my hubby P (who wants to remain incognito...we will see how long that lasts lol) He just cracks me up! He cracks me up because he does things that to me are weird and crazy and funny, and if you ask him about it, he doesn't even know what you are talking about. Here is a classic example: Friday night is take out night. We get our food, I get two clean plates out, however the food cartons are strong enough and we end up not using them. The next morning, after P offered to clean up I find the following:


Two CLEAN plates inside the refrigerator

A greasy chicken empanada on top of my yoga mat
When I asked him about it he just shrugged his shoulders and continued with his day HAHAHA! 
These random acts of oddity happen around our home ALL THE TIME, so I decided to begin an observational experiment by recording and sharing these occurrences in the hopes of:
  1. Better understanding and appreciating the behavior of all those crazy hubbys around the world (mine in particular)
  2. Working on my own neurotic behavior and realizing that there are much more important things in the world to freak out about than an oil stain in my yoga mat
So please, feel free to share your opinions and hypothesis on why P does the things he does (specially if you are a guy you might have a better understading and you can explain to us girls). SHARE PICTURES OF THINGS THAT YOUR HUBBY OR BFRIEND DOES TOO so that we are not only laughing at mine, please. And your reactions to all these of course.